Sometimes, when all our doubts, fears and insecurities wrap ourselves up, we always come up with the idea of “I wish I was somebody else.”  More often than not, we think and believe that someone or rather, most people are better than us.- when in reality, the fact is, most people are more scared than us.

You spot a totally eye-catching girl sitting by herself at a party, casually sipping on a glass of Asti Spumanti. You think to yourself, “she looks so perfectly calm and confident.” But if you could read thru her transparent mind, you would see a bunch of clouds of thoughts and you might just be amazed that she’s thinking “are people talking about why I am seated here alone?… Why don’t guys find me attractive? …I don’t like my ankles, they look too skinny… I wish I was as intelligent as my best friend.”

We look at a young business entrepreneur and say “Wooh… what else could he ask for?” He stares at himself at the mirror and murmur to himself, “I hate my big eyes… I wonder why my friends won’t talk to me… I hope mom and dad would still work things out.”

Isn’t it funny? We look at other people, envy them for looking so outrageously perfect and wish we could trade places with them, while they look at us and thinks of the same thing. We are insecure of other people who themselves are insecure of us. We suffer from low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence and lose hope in self improvement because we are enveloped in quiet desperation.

Sometimes, you notice that you have an irritating habit like biting off your finger nails, having a foul mouth, and you – of all people, is the last to know.

I have a friend who never gets tired of talking. And in most conversations, she is the only one who seems to be interested in the things she has to say. So all of our other friends tend to avoid the circles whenever she’s  around, and she doesn’t notices how badly she became socially handicapped – gradually affecting the people in her environment.

One key to self improvement is to LISTEN and TALK to a trusted friend. Find someone who you find comfort in opening up with even the most gentle topics you want to discuss. Ask questions like “do you think I am ill-mannered?”,  “Do I always sound so argumentative?”,  “Do I talk too loud?”,  “Does my breath smell?”,  “Do I ever bore you when were together?”.  In this way, the other person will obviously know that you are interested in the process of self improvement. Lend her your ears for comments and criticisms and don’t give her answers like “Don’t exaggerate! That’s just the way I am!”  Open up your mind and heart as well. And in return, you may want to help your friend with constructive criticism that will also help her improve her self.

One of Whitney Houston’s songs says “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.” True enough. In order to love others, you must love yourself too. Remember, you cannot give what you do not have.

Before telling other people some ways on how to improve themselves, let them see that you yourself is a representation and a product of self improvement. Self improvement makes us better people, we then inspire other people, and then the rest of the world will follow.

Stop thinking of yourselves as second-rate beings. Forget the repetitive thought of “If only I was richer… if only I was thinner” and so on.  Accepting your true self is the first step to self improvement. We need to stop comparing ourselves to others only to find out at the end that we’ve got  10 more reasons to envy them.

We all have our insecurities. Nobody is perfect. We always wish we had better things, better features, better body parts, etc. But life need not to be perfect for people to be happy about themselves.Self improvement and loving yourself is not a matter of shouting to the whole world that you are perfect and you are the best. It’s the virtue of acceptance and contentment. When we begin to improve ourselves, we then begin to feel contented and happy.

Do you have the ability to accept the things you can change and the things you cannot change? Do you have the ability to accept that other people are opt to change them, rather than you changing them? Do you accept that you are who you are, regardless of what others think? Can you accept the many changes that take place in your life?

If you answered yes to one or all of these questions then you are off to the start of improving your personal life. If you are willing to accept, you have the ability to laugh, even when something is not funny. For instance, if someone pushed you, you could stand back and laugh. The push is only a threat to your emotion, which you will see, accept and find a way to gain control of the situation.

When you can accept things in life, including you and others you find a way to take control. When you are in control, it helps you to see how you can improve your personal life. When you learn to accept you will learn to discover you.

Individuality is personal, which philosophers over generalize this subject. Many people in the world believe that when we act the same way at all times, we have established our identity. Politically incorrect! We have emotions, thoughts, behaviors, actions, and have been plagued by a world of influences both good and bad. Each day we will feel something new, which causes our personality to reflect on these changes. Therefore, when you see someone laughing one minute and crying the next, you are seeing a shift in emotions, which is a normal pattern of identity for this person. Unless the persons eyes change, behaviors change dramatically, friends change regularly, etc, and you are seeing common behaviors.

We live in a world that desensitizes us. We are surrounding by billions of influences on television, in the media, on radio, in house-holds, government, schools and so forth. Each to their own, but everyone is judging someone at some time, which is something we have to accept. We cannot change these peoples behaviors and way of thinking, but we can change ours. This is a part of learning and accepting. The best way around the world is become your own influence and allow other influences to make someone else’s life miserable. Only rely on sources that prove truthful with their actions, behaviors and words. Positive reflections are the key to living happier.

Once you learn to accept you will be eager to laugh. For instance, if someone makes you mad you will see the humor in his or her actions. You may see the humor in your actions if you make a mistake and feed into their stupidity.

Once you start to see the humor in life, you will feel better inside. We are involved in a unruly world filled with greedy people, envious souls, lusty tigers, and so on. We have to learn how to work around these people, accept us and move on. Once you learn to change to better you, other people may follow. Good conduct has proven far more effective than words to encourage others to change.

As you grow you will feel a new hunger, and that hunger will guide you to discover new ways to better you. In time as you start to feel better, you will see a need to exercise, eat right, and hang out with positive influences and so on. Once you feel this hunger, you will feel inspired to labor to achieve your goals.

I once read a fascinating, but all too realistic, story about a woman who opened her closet door and out tumbled various pieces of sporting equipment and memorabilia.

While these possessions represented the last decade of her life, she didn’t realize until putting them all away that she felt no connection to anything in her closet. You see, this poor woman had put aside her own interests for the hobbies of a long line of significant others. Standing before her newly straightened shelves, she recalled relationships with Partner A in the water skis, Partner B in the bicycle helmet, and Partner C with a paintball gun. She asked herself, “How could I have given up so much of myself so that nothing in my closet reflects my own interests?”

My simple answer is that she had a desire to fit in and be accepted. It’s a pretty safe bet that if a woman wants to become her partner’s ideal mate, she only needs to transform herself into that person. And it happens … again, and again, and again.

Still, we wonder, what does this cost her? And, is it fair to her significant other? Maybe, most importantly, we need to recognize that following this plan of action leads her to never finding a true ideal mate.

Like many of my coaching clients, I was raised with the unspoken messages of not asking for too much, and not being too vocal about my strengths. As a result, this upbringing and my need to be accepted after my divorce found me dating men who didn’t require much from their partner. At the same time, they didn’t offer much, either.

If you were looking for your ideal partner today, would you really be interested in someone whose only goal was to become your vision of a good mate? Would you want to spend time with someone who presented himself one way, but after the curtain was drawn, you saw something much different? Whether the person is a significant other or a female acquaintance, isn’t this image a little unsettling?

I don’t believe most women are trying to fool a mate with smoke and mirrors, but I do fear that many transform their lives to match their partner’s because they don’t yet know who they are, what their likes and dislikes are, or how to measure their goals and values.

A staggering number of women in my divorce workshops say, “I’ve given so much to my ex-husband and the family that I feel like I’m left with nothing. I couldn’t even tell you my favorite color, or what I want for dinner.” My heart immediately goes out to these women because years ago, their words were mine.

Sometimes help comes from the most unexpected places. A few weeks ago, while preparing for an appearance on an Orlando news program, I had to confront my comfortable pattern of downplaying my strengths. In the length of a short guest feature, I had to explain the ways I help women, and why I’m good at my work. This moment was significant for me, and one I will remember every time I find myself wanting to go back to that old habit of not being true to myself.

You can win in relationships and business by authentically knowing and being who you are, using the skills you bring to the table, and having a level of comfort that allows for flexibility and change.

Women shortchange themselves by jumping into relationships before taking the time to fully discover and appreciate themselves. They don’t stop to think about the characteristics they desire in a partner.

Are you looking for your ideal relationship?

Surprise—it all begins with being authentically you.

Then why do YOU think women misunderstand men and vice-versa? One basic fact of life. Women and men are different. I am not talking about their physical attributes, but in their attitudes to relationships.

I am a man, writing this article. I have tried to be fair, but can I tell you ladies, I just can’t understand you most of the time. But I am sure that most of you would answer, that you can’t understand us men.

I have been guilty of most of the attitudes listed, especially the shopping which I hate. Therefore to go a little way in imparting some understanding, here are 10 situations where the thinking of men and women go in opposite directions;

1) ANGER: When Anger or another problem enters a relationship A woman will want to repair the situation or problem before any sex. A man will think that making love will make it all right again.

2) TOUCHING: For women touching without sex is comforting and very soothing. They find that the touching gives a warm feeling of security. However for men touching without sex can easily be misunderstood and he can even feel threatened.

Please understand that when men touch each other, it is in a rough manner. They slap or punch each other on the back. Tender touching makes many men feel vulnerable and dependent. These have been seen by men to be un masculine. Men find it uncomfortable with so much closeness. It makes them feel vulnerable.

However women are not comfortable without this type of intimacy.

3) TELEPHONE: Men use the telephone or mobile phone as a communication device. It is to send short messages to each other.

However women see the telephone differently. They use it to keep in touch with their friends supporting, helping and growing relationships. They are more interested in people and feelings than objects such as telephones and the latest video games.

4) SEX: When it comes to foreplay, women prefer 40-45 minutes of foreplay. However men on the other hand prefer 40-45 seconds of foreplay before sex

5) GOING OUT: When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. However when a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she is ready, as soon as she finds her other piece of jewellery and makes just one more phone call.

6) SHOPPING: Women can shop all day and enjoy the whole experience. Its a chance to talk. They use talk to build and sustain connections with others. However men just want finish and close the situation. Its their nature. One can view this difference anytime with couples in shopping malls.

7) BATHROOMS: A man has on average around 5-6 items in his bathroom. A woman on the other hand has over 200 items in her bathroom. Make no attempt to ask a man to identify all these items.

DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to go shopping, gardening, answer the phone, or get the post. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

9) CHILDREN: A woman knows all about her children. She knows about doctors and dentists appointments. All their friends, their favorite and not so favorite foods, plus their secret fears and their hopes and dreams. Most men, though not as many as years ago, are aware of some short people sharing the home.

10) TOYS: Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of approximately 12, they seem to lose the interest. However, men NEVER grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, the toys simply get more expensive. One shopping channel has a section called “Big Boys Toys.”